Pursuit
by Hotnesspecter88
Summary: Dirk has fancied Jake for quite some time, yet Jane yearns for Jake as well. With the help of a certain drunk and a pair of sarcastic shades, only one can have Jake English. Rated M for sexual content in later chapters.


"Stop following me." Dirk snapped at Squarewave, toiling ridiculously close to his** SWEET KICKS**. The ever insatiable brobot edged ever closer, humming with anticipation of spitting such **SUBPAR RHYMES**.

"There's no point in challenging me, I've trounced you time and again. Your game is stale as fuck." He dismissed the bot with a **CALLOUS** **GESTURE** and walked off.

_Don't dismiss a bro_

_tryin to get a rapoff this crass_

_Cuz I'll attack_

_Words sharp as tacks_

_On your scaredy plush ass._

The bot slammed down an **IRRESISTABLE QUIP**, bouncing on his haunches excitedly. Dirk turned to face Squarewave, shades shining with some **VICIOUS POETIC INSPIRATION.**

_You're fighting with a Strider_

_I ain't scared of you, bro!_

_My rap skills are too fast_

_Your processors so slow_

_I'll spit such venom out_

_You wont be asking for more_

_Now step the FUCK off my shit_

_Before I show you the door_

Dirk spat such sicknasty rhymes, falling heavily on Squarewave. The robot clicked and whirred louder, clearly troubled at the intimidating retort. Squarewave readied himself for an unsatisfactory conceding of defeat just as Jake walked in.

"Evening, Strider. Torrential weather we're havin, yeah?" he shook off his overcoat, raindrops falling to the floor from the slick material. "Pickin fights with your good pal, I see." He chuckled at the robots clear anticipation, his every gear churning at a second shot at Dirk's **RIDICULOUS SHIT**. Adjusting his bifocals on the bridge of his nose, he flashed a brash smile at his friend.

Dirk looked away, scratching his head in a suave "brush off your bropals sentiment" sort of way. "How can I help out my bro English today?" Dirk asked casually, pretending he wasn't** UNBEARABLY STOKED** at Jake's presence.

"Just figured I'd check in, see if you've checked out Sburb yet. It's some wild stuff." Jake slammed his Pesterchum helmet on Dirk's table, sending the** CROWD OF** **PLUSHRUMPS** asunder.

"Yeah, I'm chin-deep in that shit, still asleep all Prince-like though, or so the citizens think." Dirk grinned proudly, patting his rather aggravating A.I., disguised as yet another pair of his **BITCHIN SHADES**. "My shades have been ensuring everything stays copacetic stateside."

"Yeah, all they've done is backsass me and give Roxy and Jane a right antagonizing." Jack argued. "It handed my proverbial arse to me in a surprise attack. _Complete_ bollocks…"

"Face it, my **BRITISH BROHAN**. Until you can defeat your assailant mano a mano, you're as hopeless as those weird bull fairies that seem to take a liking to weak, British chaps."

Jake snorted, kicking back on Dirk's bed, admiring the rather absurdly large poster of Stiller and Wilson, the sickest bro-cops to ever live. "If I weren't mistaken, little white bulls aren't the only ones that take a liking to British chaps like myself." Jake smirked. "Or…so I hear."

Dirk simply wouldn't allow a misstep in his stride, although admittedly laughed a bit too loud in response. He sat at his desk, leaving Jake's statement stale in the air, rummaging for his Xbox controller among a** PLETHORA OF PUPPETS**.

* * *

><p><strong>tipsyGnostalgic began bothering gutsyGumshoe at 10:30<strong>

TG: Jane.

TG: Jane.

TG: Jaaaaaaaaaaaanee

GG: What's all this "Jaaaaane"-ing about?

TG: So have u asked egnlishf about goin on a non bromantic date yet?

TG: *englifh*

TG: *English*

GG: Sort of…

TG: so howdit go? Telel me all the drity details dnot hold ot on me Jnan

TG: *Jann*

TG: *Jane*

GG: Perhaps you should stop boozing before I tell you.

TG: Don't jdudge me cocker

TG: fuck

TG: *Crocker*

TG: herr I am totes setitin my pal with prosipts mos elgigible bach

TG: *bac*

TG: *Hot guy*

TG: Anad youuuuuu mizzJaaaaneyy are all pissin in my provrerbrial cheerios boutit

GG: Well, there's no need for your assistance.

GG: No offense, but if you'd inquired Jake on his, erm…ideals…you'd know I don't stand a chance.

TG: tats bullshiiiite hes totes down to raid your bitches

TG: *britches*

GG: He wants to try to be with Dirk, Roxy.

TG: Ohlolololulululolz. Shiiit Jananey I shulda noun

TG: *known*

TG: those shades kinda spilled the homosexual beans on dick stridreeeer

TG: wat a pity id totes ride his rnainbow tran to Gayspit anytime

GG: Do we really need to talk about this?

GG: I already feel bad enough as it is.

TG: im trynin ta be here fro you janeee omg dont trun me away

GG: It's fine, Rox, I just need some time to kinda get over it, y'know?

GG: Not like I'm not already over it, I'm totally over it, hahahahahaha!

TG: um jan no offens but youre bein all defensviv wit me an don be like thtat cuz im hearree for youuuu

TG: *cue chesy bes chum music*

**gutsyGumshoe ceased bothering tipsyGnostalgic at 11:10**

* * *

><p>Jane sat at her laptop, massaging her temples in frustration. Today had gone so unbelievably wrong, all because that Dirk couldn't keep his mitts off her man!<p>

Um. Jake. Yeah. Of course that's what was meant. Jake was no one's man.

Except possibly Dirk's.

She just had to be _**so **__**fucking stupid **_and simply allowed Jake to surmise his romantic plans uninterrupted. She'd tried to confront Jake first, but due to Roxy's inebriated meddling, in a matter of seconds "Jake, do you like me?" quickly deferred to "You should give Dirk a chance!"

She was his friend naturally, and whatever he wanted of course was what she'd somewhat happily coincide with. But she'd come so close, Jake himself even asking if she had a "thing" for him. Damn Jake English and his British panache. She'd quickly shot that whim down in a cruel, aggressive gesture with Jake's favored twin revolvers of intuition and boyish adventurers wonder.

Even worse, she proceeded to respond to his "Dirk-themed inquiries/thoughts" with ample exclamation points and vigorous head-desking. Jake knew her well, piquing his interest with her unusually blunt exclamations, but she'd thoroughly assured him she was perfectly fine.

Despite matters being obviously **NOT ACCEPTABLE**, Jake wished her farewell, and knowing him would be pursuing Dirk and his whereabouts as she sat in her chair, gripping the armrests like vices, cursing her **GIRL SKYLARK**-grade awkwardness. Her attention diverted to her computer as a rather familiar and persistent instant messaging client flashed a message.

* * *

><p><strong>tipsyGnostalgic began bothering gutsyGumshoe at 11:40<strong>

TG: Jnaaaneeyyyy jnaaaaneyye gib me ur answawer truuuuu~

TG: im durnk as ever ofor th love of uuuu

GG: …yes, Roxy?

TG: lissstennnn you still hav a chance tochange jakes mind

TG: cmonnn missenglifishh hear me out

GG: Yeah, how ever am I going to do that? It isn't proper to interfere with Jake's business, I should leave them be.

TG: we both kno thtat you aren't gona take that shet sittin pretty jane

TG: do ya rlelly want jakes eneglish in driks strider

TG: orrrr visaversa cuz we both totes kno jakes a brit aka a bottom bich

TG: *bitch*

GG: I think you should go have a nap, Roxy. Your typos only get worse and you're hardly making sense.

TG: nononono trusme. Go find jakeyjake an tell him how you rely felle.

TG: he'll forget bout shades mcgay an totes run into your beckonin arms

GG: That's sort of a long shot, Roxy.

GG: I appreciate your help, but just desperately trying to find him like in those romance movies isn't going to do much.

TG: nooo he'll be alike "Ohshit jnaaaanae babay, oy oi loik yew lets get hitched over tea, we will!"

GG: ...what a spot on impression.

TG: get goinn janey times wasted

TG: *wastin*

**tipsyGnostalgic ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe at 12:30**

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued!<strong> Yeah this is my second Homestuck fic, and Im aware there might be quite a few factual errors here...but Im not aiming for accuracy as far as the story goes. Dis be all about the love, man. :D

Chapter two will be out sometime this week. Review, lemme know if you liked it. Fun Fact: For effect, after I wrote the chat dialogue, I got drunk that night and attempted typing it to get those legit typos haha.

Roxy's drunken slurs brought to you by: 4lokos :D


End file.
